Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.