LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley