I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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