I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
