Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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