Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
