They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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