You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
