Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
