I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
