Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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