Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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