I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well you can't waste a boner
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
