Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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