the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
