Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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