So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
