I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
