Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
