We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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