jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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