I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
