she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
