i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
