i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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