Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
God, I missed his penis.
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