Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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