I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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