So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
