I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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