i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
