i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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