Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
