I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
