toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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