what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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