someone get that fucking seahorse.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
