he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
