then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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