Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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