They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
