In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
did you just send me my own nude
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
