There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
