sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
