If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
