He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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