the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
