their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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