woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
