I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
