Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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