they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
