apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
