Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
