its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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