I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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