I only kidnapped one of them. chill
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize