god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
