u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
