I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You can't special order awesome
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
