matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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