I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
