I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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