I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
