He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
