oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
