I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
