No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We are all done wearing pants today
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
