maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
