the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
