turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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