have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I could fuck to npr.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
