why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
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I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
is it fun? or sober?
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