why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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