Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My penis needs a shock collar
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
