Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
