Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
