Already got asked if we're dating
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
