I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize